At the July meeting of The Sons of Knute lodge member Ed Pedersen reported that the town sent a bill asking the membership to pay $150,000 to compensate the city for damaged property, destruction, and the vandalism. Mayor Swenson even enclosed a personal note that said, “Don'cha' fellers know this just ain’t right, and you should chip in your fair share to repair the community."
Well this just rankled the membership something terrible.
Ollie Johnson stood up and said, “Da' nerve of dem! Ve' here are barely scraping out a livin', and after all dat dere ruckus, dey still treat us like dirt. Vell I for one ain’t a-payin’ one thin dime to dem dare bums.”
Most all of the members agreed. And that was when the plan was hatched. The Norwegian Bachelor Farmers were going to make the town see their point and show them some respect.
This time of year the tomatoes and sweet corn were beginning to ripen, and so were the beans and potatoes. Most of those farmers sold their produce at the side of the road, but a few of the farmers actually drove into town and sold their vegetables right out of their trucks at the farmers market that was set up in a prominent section of town.
The Sons of Knute members that were Norwegian Bachelor Farmers decided that they were going to park their trucks in the middle of downtown Lake Webegon at the farmers market, and they were going to create an autonomous zone, where the police and town council would be forbidden to bother them, unless of course the police or town council were buying vegetables. They all agreed that they would just camp there until their demand for respect was met. They might just stay there forever, or at least until winter. That would teach the town to show them some respect.
It was too bad that Human Flag Event, which has always been a big Fourth of July event for the community, was canceled this year because of COVID and the need for social distancing. In fact, the entire towns Fourth of July picnic and festival was canceled along with all the events. However Ed Bunsen did put together a very nice fireworks display for his family. A lot of people showed up uninvited. Ed said they could all stay but they had to wear masks, and maintain social distancing. All agreed it was the best fun they had so far all year.
The following day was when those farmers drove into town. There was no big announcement, but the town folk got suspicious around the third day, when the farmers hadn’t left. Some of those guys set up tents, but most just slept in their trucks.
The Norwegian Bachelor Farmers planned to clean up, as best Norwegian Bachelor Farmers do, by using the facilities at Jack’s Auto Repair in the rear building where Jack’s Lounge ("a rest spa for the ages") is located., Those guys were too embarrassed or ashamed to go to The Sidetrack Tap, or The Chatterbox Cafe to use the facilities or to even get a beer.
Soon some makeshift signs were made on four by eight plywood boards that read “Dis Here Zone is Occupied by da "NORBS”, which one of them thought was a great acronym for ‘NORwegian Bachelor Sector”. It also said, “No Cops Allowed…except for dos' paying with cash”.
Pastor Liz from Lake Webegon Lutheran Church had been a veteran of sit-ins and protests from back in her days at City Lutheran Theological Seminary in Wisconsin, when they were demanding equal rights for women pastors, and the right to use the New American Standard Bible instead of the Revised Standard Version. She organized the ladies auxiliary to put together some hot dish suppers for what she said was "those poor oppressed farmers."
Some nights Pastor Liz would visit NORBS and try to lead them in song by singing 'We Shall Overcome', and 'Kumbaya', although the farmers would have far preferred singing the 'Too Fat Polka', or 'In Heaven There Is No Beer'. Pastor Liz said she was sorry but didn't know how to play those songs on her ukulele.'
Within a couple of days Mayor Swenson began to get concerned about the whole situation. After all, these smelly farmers were encamped just a block away from the courthouse and he felt it was a blight on his city.
So he went to try to try to reason with the group. He walked over to the NORBS zone and asked them when they were going to pay that one-hundred and fifty thousand dollars and when would they be leaving. He also wanted the farmers assurance that they were not going to trash or destroy anymore property. But the farmers just taunted him and wouldn't even let him cross into the NORBS section of town. They told him to go away. The angry mayor became red-faced and walked off in a huff.
That is when he called Ed and Joe, the sheriffs from Mist County to come into the town to remove the farmers. Once again those fellows arrived and then walked over to the NORBS zone, eyeballed the situation and said they did not see a police problem. However they did purchase a big sack of homegrown tomatoes and six ears of sweet corn, and then they walked down to the Sidetrack Tap and had a couple of beers before heading back home in their cruiser.
By then word had spread through town that the farmers had hijacked the farmers market. Some of the town folks were even feeling sympathetic.
The Lutheran Church was holding their Zoom Vacation Bible School, and the ladies that were teaching the class felt a group activity for the kids was necessary. So the ladies decided if the kids promised to stay six feet away from each other and wear masks they could all get together and paint a mural.
The kids with their teachers walked downtown to the autonomous zone. They gave each child some colored chalk and they had the little guys draw NBFLM (Norwegian Bachelor Farmers Lives Matter) in big 10 foot block letters right there on the street in the NORBS zone.
As you can imagine when Mayor Swenson saw NBFLM in huge letters right there on the same street as the courthouse he became livid and went into a rage.
Well the local baseball team, The Whippets, were anxious to get together to play some games down at Wally Old Hard Hands Bunsen Memorial Field. The league sponsors, Bunsen Motors and Krebsbach Chevrolet, wanted the season to begin too. After all they paid for all the uniforms and the equipment. So a shortened season was decided on, and the other local minor league teams agreed to the terms. The players would all need to wear masks, and the seats in the bleachers would be marked so only family members could sit together. Everyone else would have to sit six feet apart.
The first game was played on July 26th and it was a night game. The concession stand was only allowed to sell beer and pop in bottles, but no food or popcorn.
Everyone seemed happy, however the team and the fans receive a shock when the cover was lifted off the field.
In place of the usual logo, the head of a big white Whippet, all eyes gazed upon the freshly painted letters, "NBFLM" in huge white block script.
Then the American flag was raised and everyone stood up to sing. A quartet of band members from Lake Webegon High School began to play.
But instead of the Star Spangled Banner, those kids started playing 'In Heaven There Is No Beer', the Norwegian bachelor's favorite song. The crowd burst into laughter, and sang along with the second verse, which just goes, la,la-la-la, la, la. After that the National Anthem was played.
Well, since both of the sponsors had been targets of the Norwegian bachelor farmers' vandalism, Ed Bunsen, and the two Krebsbach men threw their programs on the ground and vented their anger at Tom Olsen, the manager. "How could this happen? Who was responsible? What were you thinking !?"
Tom claimed he had no idea who was behind the painting on the field, or the song. He would look into it, and he assured this would not happen again. He suspected it was a high school prank.
The game was went on as scheduled with no more incidents. The Whippets beat The Saint Cloud Schnauzers ten to nothing. Everyone had a good time except for Ed Bunsen, and Florian and Carl Krebsbach.
Everything seemed to be going in the farmers favor until the following week arrived. That's when the big rains came. This was a huge mid-summer storm which went on for the entire week with no let up.
No one in town was leaving their homes to even go shopping. The Whippets next two games were rained out and rescheduled.
The hot dish suppers quit arriving. Pastor Liz even quit coming to NORBS for visits. The NBFLM colored chalk mural on the road washed away.
The rain soaked farmers were tired of the rain, and tired of sleeping out every night. They just wanted to get back to their farms to clean out the weeds in their drenched gardens.
So those farmers packed up all the remaining produce, took down their tents, tarps, and the plywood signs. They figured the plywood might come in handy some day. Without saying a word, they just all drove off.
They might be back next week, but only for a day to sell some produce.
So that's the news from Lake Webegon, where all the men are good looking, all the women are strong, all the children are above average, and things are starting to get back to normal. But we will see.
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