In Genesis 32: 9-11 we read:
And Jacob said, "O God of my father Abraham and God of my father Isaac, O LORD who said to me, 'Return to your country and to your kindred, that I may do you good,' I am not worthy of the least of all the deeds of steadfast love and all the faithfulness that you have shown to your servant, for with only my staff I crossed this Jordan, and now I have become two camps.
We all know the story about Jacob deceiving his father and stealing the blessing and birthright that was due to the first born son, his brother Esau. He was sent from the home by his father Isaac and mother Rebecca. His mother knew that Esau was plotting to kill Jacob.
Two decades later Jacob is a man of wealth and possessions. He has wives and servants, land and cattle. He is living in peace and comfort. God now calls him to return to the home of his youth. Jacob is frightened by God’s command. What would Esau do to him? Jacob obeys God’s command and begins the journey.
He has a strategy. We read that as he approached the land of his youth, he divided his people into two camps. If Esau attacked one camp, the others would survive. He also decided to impress his brother and divide his herds and flocks and send them “drove by drove” with a space between each drove. By doing this his brother would be impressed with the wealth and acquisitions of Jacob.
During the eve of crossing the Jordan rive Jacob speaks with God. We read this in the above verses. Jacob says “I am not worthy…” The Hebrew word is Katonti and literally means “I am small” or as some translate, “I have become unworthy because of the grace you have done for me.”
I feel the same way. God has done so much for me. I am not wealthy by any means. However I look back at my days and am amazed that I have managed to have such a blessed childhood, I met and married a wonderful woman, a woman of God. I have raised two wonderful daughters and now have four incredible grandchildren. I have embarked on my third career at the age of 50.
My parents were wonderful and giving people that instilled in me a sense of caring and nurturing. I was fortunate to devote my life at an early age to God through His Son Jesus. I have met and befriended so many wonderful people and learned so much. I have not had formal Biblical education, but through my love of reading and study I have been blessed. I have been given the gift of music. I have had the oportunity to study and find solace in playing guitar. Which is a wonderful way to decompress from life's issues.
In looking back I am amazed that I have come this far and know that I have not accomplished this through my own attempts. God has been there and been faithful in His Grace.
I feel that I am small.