Ragamuffin - Rich Mullins

I grew up in the Cincinnati, Ohio - Northern Kentucky area. Some of the important years of my life started in 1970 in an era known as "The Jesus Movement."

everything old is new again

Now this was nothing like the "Muslim Movement" that we are currently existing through.

No one was beheaded or killed because they were not a Christian, as is the case today in the Middle East. In fact back then we called them Moslems.

Back in that day, there were some Black Folks that said they were Muslims. They dressed up in suits, wore ties and sold Muslim newspapers, which were actually Muslim propaganda, which they sold on city streets.

The Muslim women dressed up in something called a dashiki and the men wore little hats. I am not sure if this is actually a Muslim fashion or sort of an African fashion.

As Christians we gave out free newspapers, that were really Gospel tracts. We usually wore T-Shirts with a Cross emblazoned on the front or a very Anglicized picture of Jesus' face. We also wore blue jeans and had long hair and wore sandals. The men wore beards and sometimes did not wear shirts.

So it was in this era I ran across Rich Mullins. I had written some Christian songs and I sang and played guitar. There were a few venues around town and many churches and schools where I talked about The Lord and the Jesus Movement and played music with my guitar.

The Cincinnati Jesus House

One of these places was The Cincinnati Jesus House. I had many friends that attended their Saturday night concerts. This is where I first met Rich. Rich was a very humble and shy sort, but put him in front of a piano and he became incredibly animated. He had such a wonderful touch on the piano. The rock players of the day could just eat his dust. I often sat in awe of him while he coaxed music out of the big green ancient and out-of-tune upright piano and sang his songs at The Jesus House.

Rich had written a bunch of songs including the one that inspired Amy Grant called Sing Your Praise To The Lord. Rich was an amazing musician. But like I said he came off as a humble and quiet kind of guy.

During those days Rich was attending The Cincinnati Bible Seminary (which has since been renamed Cincinnati Christian University.) This was a Church of Christ sponsored school. And for those of you who are not familiar with this denomination, they are extremely conservative. In fact there are a few sects that are so conservative that they do not allow instrumental to be played in their churches or by their members.

French Lick Resort

You would think this may have been a problem for Rich. But, most members relished Christian music. They loved to sing. In fact every year there was a convention of membership that was held at a local resort which included swimming pool baptisms and a talent show.

The school also had an annual talent show. Rich played at the talent show and was an instant hit with the students and most of the faculty.

I ran into Rich periodically at coffeehouses and parties, but we never were friends, just acquaintances. However he was very close to many people that I knew. So I honestly knew little of his personal life.

Sadly he was killed in 1997 when the Jeep he owned went out of control. He died and I believe his friend that was riding with him was injured. It was very sad. He was a young man and beloved by many throughout the Christian world. His school had a memorial service for him.

During Rich's career he decided to live on the income that an average person would make. He set aside his other earnings including song royalties into a trust that was divided up for various charities. He never knew the exact amount of his income.

I have to say the movie of the story of his life, Ragamuffin, was a real shock to me. For years I had issues with 'assumptive behavior', that is to say I assume everyone had the same likes, dislikes and lifestyle that I have. But thinking back in time, I ran across so many folks in the Jesus Movement that were coming to terms with very dysfunctional situations. Not me. I was pretty much your average guy who loved the Lord and didn't drink, smoke, chew or hang out with those who do.

As it turns out Rich had issues with alcohol and smoking. Sex or sexual suppression was also an issue, but these were the years when most all young folks are full of hormonal rage. The movie did not go into depth about this issue, however Rich spoke about it during his concerts.

I had no idea that Rich had all these issues with addictive behavior. In spite of this people loved the man for who he was and for the wonderful music he created and all the things he said during his concerts.




On the other hand, I was attending a church that was packed full of my friends, and was in the early stages of marriage and parenthood. This church I attended was non-denominational, but the clergy were Church of Christ trained pastors. My wife grew up in the Episcopal tradition and eventually became Catholic. In all honesty I should have grown up Catholic, but for some issues that my Dad had with the Church when his Mother passed away. The Church hurt him badly. My Church was about to do the same with me. My wife wanted to start an intercessory prayer group and announced this one morning at Church when the pastor was out of town. When he returned he contacted me to talk about this offense that my wife committed.

I was told to get her in line or else. After meeting the pastor at a restaurant and talking for about a half hour, myself, my wife and my children; my children who were consecrated in the Church and the membership promised to watch over them, we were all given the Left Boot of Fellowship and told not to come back.

So 47 years later I watch a movie and find out that one of the beloved of my church had so many issues, but was welcomed and I was not. That hurt.

But you know what? ~Maybe I should insert one of Jesus' parables here~ After years of brooding about the pain that my Church caused to my heart and my soul, I came to the realization that those people did not deserve such a good and true friend as myself or any member of my family. Their loss was my gain. I had quit attending any Church for fear of being hurt again. I had a great time sharing my music, but once again if they never heard me play songs for The Lord again, it was their loss. I still sang them as prayers. Currently I've arrived at peace and attend a wonderful Anglican Church that is full of souls who have been hurt by the Church. I once again can share the gift of music that God has given to me.

I truly do believe that if Rich had lived beyond his 42 years on this earth, he would have been at peace with this life. Despite all of his problems, his heart was always set on God and His Son Jesus. I know Rich would have finally left it all behind and set his feet on the right and righteous road.

It was an honor to meet him and sit on the floor listening to his wonderful, blessed songs of praise.

 

Saint Patrick

The legend of Saint Patrick driving the snakes out of Ireland may be nothing more than misreading of an ancient text.

According to Irish lore, Saint Patrick scattered the serpents and drove them into the sea, though most naturalists are convinced that larger reptiles were never part of our fauna.

Now it's emerged that the myth may have come about because of a too-literal translation of an ancient sixth century text called the Dinnshenchas.

The text carries an account of a sect called the Crom Cruich, who used the symbolism of the snake. In time, Crom Cruich eventually became a powerful force in Ireland, whose followers used the snake as their symbol. And herein may lie the real story about Saint Patrick driving out the snakes.

"Crom Cruich which literally means bloody crescent, was a pagan site of worship near the village of Ballymagauran in County Cavan. It's exact location was in the plain of Mag Sleact, which translates into the field of adoration. At its entrance was a large megalithic standing stone which was surrounded by 12 smaller upright lintels. So in a sense it looked like Stonehenge in England."

"The Crom Cruich cult were very bloodthirsty with the faithful expected to sacrifice their first born in his honour to assure a successful harvest. The annual slaughter took place on the pagan feast of Samhain, on November 1, each year," explains historian, Thomais Moriarty, who specialises in pre-Christian Ireland.

It's recounted in the text that Saint Patrick marched on the place with a band of well-armed missionaries, mocked its demons, blessed the place afterwards and then destroyed the site.

"By all accounts, a major battle took place, but Patrick and his well-armed followers won the day.

"The people feared terrible retribution from the pagan god afterwards, but it never came to pass, and from that point onwards, the cult's grip was effectively broken in Ireland for all time. The event is recorded in the 6th century Dinnshenchas text, otherwise known as the Book of Leinster," adds Thomais Moriarty.


According to Brendan Scott of Cavan County Museum, a standing stone which stood at the entrance to the site was destroyed but the Crom Cruich idol is still in existence: "We have the Kilcluggin Stone which is part of the original Crum Cruich idol. When Saint Patrick came along it was covered in gold and would have stood in the centre. Surrounding it were 12 smaller stones which were covered in silver. There is a rath (fort) at the top of a hill near Ballyconnell in west Cavan called Derryrath, and I reckon that was the original site where Saint Patrick had the battle and destroyed the idols.

Is the Bible a Lascivious Book?

I found this posted on Facebook today. It will probably spread, causing laughter for those who do not understand and upset those folks that should understand.  As with movie posters, it is designed to entice and shock.

The debacle regards the twentieth verse of the twenty-third chapter of Ezekiel and speaks of sexual immorality.

This was originally put on Facebook by a fictional character known as Mrs. Betty Bowers, Americas Best Christian. She is a denizen of the fictional community of Freehold, Iowa and a member of a fictional liberal church known as Landover Baptist Church. This web creation is a satire by Chris Harper, flimsily based on Jerry Falwell’s Church. Harper was a student at Liberty University, which was founded by Falwell.  He was kicked out of school for doing a satirical radio show that the school found to be offensive.

Though the author who posted this on Facebook is indeed quoting the chapter and verse correctly, please keep the following in mind when reading it.

Much of the news reported in the media usually has another side that we are not told. Quotes are twisted and edited to have a much different meaning.  This particular chapter of the Bible is victim to being taken out of context, mostly because the preceding an ante ceding chapters are not considered. A reader may want to read the entire chapter 20 of Ezekiel for a better understanding.

Ezekiel ben-buzi was a Hebrew prophet and priest. He is also recognized by Christians, Jews and followers of Islam as a prophet. Ezekiel lived in exile in Babylon. His book in the Bible contains his prophecies, the most famous being about vision of the flaming wheel. (Which proves the existence of flying saucers based on Discovery Network shows.) The book of Ezekiel is concerned with the exile of the Jews (Judah) to Babylon, which is expressed as a purification and he predicts the Jews returning to a purified Jerusalem.

Biblical prophets were special, appointed and anointed people that listened to and heard God’s instructions, many times in differing ways, then spoke God's Word to the leadership, be it religious or political, and spoke it to the people. Many times these were spoken as allusions that may have meant something to the contemporary listeners, and may also have a different meaning for those in the future. The Bible/Torah/Tanakh and the Koran were first handed down over the ages in oral tradition before being put into writing. The Priests and Rabbis of days gone-by kept the words in the oral tradition for a purpose. 

The twentieth chapter of Ezekiel deals with the rebelliousness of the Jewish people and God's cry and warning against them.

The chapter of Ezekiel describes the sin of idol worship of Samaria and Israel and compares these people to two sisters that became prostitutes going back to Israels days in Egypt. The text addresses the despicable practices some people picked up from other cultures. Assimilation is bound to occur, but these are people who should not believe in God because they are told to; They have seen the Cloud and the Pillar of Fire. They have witnessed the stone tablets with God's commandments etched on them.

The prophet, speaking God's Words blasts these nations as whores who would lay with anyone (any nation) and pick up the wicked customs of those nations as one would a sexually transmitted disease.

Any reading of the Old Testament will emphasize Idol worship is particularly egregious to God. Ezekiel did not mince words in his description of the behavior of both nations, which he describes as whores who have lain with other lovers (nations), specifically Assyria, the Chaldeans and Babylon, and turned away from God. Specifically worship of Moloch and Rephan are mentioned. The emphasis on male genitals may have to do with asherah poles. Although the passage seems lascivious, it was written that way for emphasis.  

Verse 32 states, “Therefore this is what the Sovereign Lord says: Since you have forgotten me and turned your back on me, you must bearthe consequences of your lewdness and prostitution.”

The Lord goes on to say to Ezekiel: The Lord said to me: “Son of man, will you judge Oholah and Oholibah? Then confront them with their detestable practices, for they have committed adultery and blood is on their hands. They committed adultery with their idols; they even sacrificed their children, whom they bore to me, as food for them. They have also done this to me: At that same time they defiled my sanctuary and desecrated my Sabbaths. On the very day they sacrificed their children to their idols, they entered my sanctuary and desecrated it. That is what they did in my house.

 “They even sent messengers for men who came from far away, and when they arrived you bathed yourself for them, applied eye makeup and put on your jewelry. You sat on an elegant couch, with a table spread before it on which you had placed the incense and olive oil that belonged to me.

 “The noise of a carefree crowd was around her; drunkards were brought from the desert along with men from the rabble, and they put bracelets on the wrists of the woman and her sister and beautiful crowns on their heads. Then I said about the one worn out by adultery, ‘Now let them use her as a prostitute, for that is all she is.’ And they slept with her. As men sleep with a prostitute, so they slept with those lewd women, Oholah and Oholibah.  But righteous judges will sentence them to the punishment of women who commit adultery and shed blood, because they are adulterous and blood is on their hands.

The text in the poster is but a small portion of what it said in this portion of Ezekiel. As you can see it is there for a reason.

12 Days Out of the Hospital and a Really Weird Dream

It has been thirteen days since I left the hospital. What an adventure I am having!  I do not know what has happened to my skin.  I suppose it is from being edematous and losing all the fluid. My skin is dry and looks like the feathers have been plucked. It feels like feathers too since I am so itchy. My legs have gotten quite skinny. The psoriasis is drying out. There are patches on my skin that look like pink shadows of psoriasis.

Last night I created a profile page on St. E's My Chart so I could send an email to my doctor.

I got up at 6 am this morning. I was itchy and could not go back to sleep. Linny was still up. I weighed myself and I am 252.  I had a small bowl of Rice Krispies and a cup of peach yogurt. I cannot have the berry kind of yogurt. I stayed up a couple of hours. TV has nothing on it worth watching. I looked at Face Book. ‘Sad news about a friend of a friend.  Damn, in looking up images I see there is a gluten-free version of Rice Krispies. I'll have to look for some.

I went back to bed and once again it was weird dream time. 

I was back in the hospital, only this time in a ward. I think my wife was in the next bed. My mother was also in the room.  A bevy of doctors were making their rounds and they stopped to examine me. 

The poor resident assigned to me went over her notes. She didn’t even look like she was twenty years old. Her face was covered acne and as she bent over me I could see that so was her chest. In fact it looked a lot like guttate psoriasis. I was then put on a stretcher and wheeled into the hall to await a test. The doctors continued to mill about the room and examine the others.

Next thing I know I was dressed and walking around my town. I walked past the high school and ducked in one door that said Archbishop.  I felt weird being there, so I left and walked up the street toward the hospital.

When I got back I could not find my room so I walked into the first one I saw.  Much to my surprise, there was my father. He was lying in a hospital bed. He had experienced a stroke. In the next bed was his girlfriend. At least that is what he said and on the other side was her young daughter. On the floor were a raggedy looking puppy and an even more raggedy looking child. Both had dirty fur or hair that seemed to turn into brown dust.

Dad said he got tired of life and went to Monroe Ohio and met this lady.  My Mother had alluded this to us, but did not give specifics.  The lady was about my age and her daughter was cooking, cleaning and shopping for the bunch.  The child was her daughter and the puppy was Dad’s dog. I told him that Mom was in the next room. He was anxious to see her.

I headed back to the next room, but got side-tracked since there was a party in the cafeteria. I sat next to the young resident with the bad skin and talked with her.  I then decided to go back to my room. On the way Dad and his girlfriend came walking out. Dad had a pronounced limp and one sided weakness from the stroke. A sad looking lady followed them. Her eyes were not quite right. After that came the daughter, who showed a lot of fondness for my Dad, like he was spending money on her. 

She was followed by the dirty child and dirty puppy.  I then went back to my room and back to bed.

I woke up again at 11:45 am and I had to have a bowel movement. I guess it is the low fiber diet, but this will be only the fourth time I have moved my bowels since leaving the hospital. I tried to go last night, but I am afraid of straining my bowels. I did strain just a little this morning. 

I took a shower.  I used to take one shower a day, if not more on hot days. Now I don’t have the desire to shower.  It makes my dried out skin feel funny. I have also noticed how sensitive I am to hot water.

I then went downstairs and put Patty out. Yesterday was a beautiful 75 degrees. Today it is in the 30’s and raining. I made bacon and eggs for Mom and me.  I gave most of the bacon to Patty. Linny woke up, got a cup of coffee and went back to bed.

It is not even two pm and I am getting tired.

Post Hospital Day Number 11

Eleven days and I am out of the hospital.  I have no desire to go back. Over the weekend I went on the Social Security website and applied for early retirement benefits. I am still going to have to work, but I can begin drawing at age 62. I’ll need a job to keep health insurance. I also am not going to make enough from Social Security to live, and pay expenses.  But it will be a big help.

I think I have dislocated my jaw. It is difficult to chew food and it feels like my teeth do not line up. I will ignore it and maybe feel better tomorrow or the day after.

I spoke with Sedgwick, the disability benefits company. I have been approved and can be off through March 17^th. Since that is a Monday I am going to try to go back to work. The doctors do not seem to think I am not unhealthy enough to be on full time disability. I prayed about this and I suppose that is my answer. I like to work and be around people, I am just hoping I can get my stamina back.  I can only remember one password at work.

My battle with psoriasis continues, but I think the rash is a little less angry. It still itches and looks nasty. I am still getting exhausted fairly easily. Today, I cooked breakfast, did the dishes, took clothes down stairs to the laundry, put clothes in the washer and dryer and brought clothes upstairs. I made a phone call to my doctor’s office and another phone call to Social Security (what a production!) and after that I had to go lay down. I hope I can handle eight hours at work.

I slept for about an hour and dreamed about being in the hospital and having a colonoscopy. In the dream, I was placed on a stretcher which was jacked up in the air. I was then positioned with my rear end hanging out for the world to see and all the lights were turned on shining right down on my heinie.  Then everyone left the room and did not shut the door, which left me mooning all the passers-by.

I wrote a few thank you notes to folks that are praying for me.  Gosh, it humbles me when I think of Gods people holding me up in prayer.

My sister came over to take care of Mom for a little while.  My daughter called and we spoke about my health, her schooling and her kids.  Linny and I went out for dinner at Frisch’s. We both had fish and it was not very good.  I don’t usually talk about bowel movements, but I think I have only had two since leaving the hospital. I attribute this to my low fiber diet. I cannot have gluten either. I am so tired now. I think I’ll check on Mom and close my eyes.

I had a nap. I have been thinking about this guy I know. He used to play and was the lead singer with a Christian band called Prodigal. He became really heavy and his health went downhill. He had several rounds of kidney failure before they shut down.  He has been in a ‘rehab’ center for almost three years and is now in hospice.  I think of my own condition and think it is nothing compared to what Loyd is experiencing. I have been praying for him.

Seven Days Out of the Hospital

It is Friday, March 7^th. I have been out of the hospital for seven days now.  I still feel weak.

On Wednesday I went to the cardiologists office and spoke with the nurse practitioner. She adjusted my medicine and agreed that I should stay off the warfarin until the 17^th.

I’m thinking back to before the illness. I was having lots of headaches and the psoriasis was driving me crazy with itching.  I was taking Benadryl and Tylenol. I wonder if the Tylenol affected my bout of GI bleeding?  Who knows? I am still itchy. Linny put this medicine on my back a few nights ago. I think it is called Tiamcinoclone. It is oily and only made me itch worse. The marks on my back became more prominent. I had to get out of bed early in the morning and shower to get it off of me.  No more of that stuff. I should have called the dermatologist today, but I am tired of being like this.

On Thursday I went to see Dr. Dragan. He spoke with me about my issues and wanted me to follow up with a couple of blood and urine tests to check my creatine levels. I have been off the diabetes medicine because of what I was told my kidneys were out of whack.  I was shocked to get my paper work with my admitting diagnosis. It said Congestive Heart Failure, Diabetes Mellitus and Acute Renal Failure.  No wonder I feel so bad.

I have been watching our money closely and I have been trying hard not to eat anything that would cause this again. I am on a low fiber, gluten free diet.  It is tough because everything I used to enjoy has been taken away.  But even when I try to eat it, the food doesn’t taste that good.

I sat upright in bed this morning at 6 am. I could not get back to sleep. I came downstairs and fixed bacon and eggs. I am not sure if bacon is OK as it is processed meat, but the alternative is goetta and it is made with pinhead oatmeal. I made Linny some goetta and toast. She didn’t eat it when she woke up. She has been so upset with me and her school. She hardly looks me in the eyes anymore. She is doing well in school, but still worries.  She ate a bowl of granola (which I cannot have) so I put the goetta and toast away for Mom.

The home healthcare nurse came at around 10 am. She asked me a few questions and took my vital signs and left.  I went back to bed. I did not recall the physical therapist was coming this afternoon.

I had this seriously weird dream that I was working in a nursing home-call center. I was taking phone calls and answering questions while I was in the same room with old folks that were in bed.  The first call I received was from a Black lady. She had put someone else on the phone to ask the question, but I had to talk with her.  She wanted me to get her in touch with ‘one of those young college kids’ that could tell her how to make gunpowder. I asked her if anything was wrong with her cable and she clammed up. A few minutes later a supervisor was on the line and she was telling me that she had been listening to the conversation. I needed to talk with my manager.  I went out of the patient’s room to find my manager in a large cafeteria. I have no idea what was said. I know I walked back to the patient’s room to go back to work. The piano was gone. In fact the whole room was different. I check other rooms and the too were different.  I then saw an exodus of patients that were heading to the end of the hall and walking upstairs. They had been told the all lost their rooms, but there were new ones on the second floor.  I saw a lot of familiar faces and assumed they were here to take care of their family members in the home.  By then Linny woke me up and told me the Physical Therapist was here.

I did my exercise, but I feel like an old man with all these healthcare workers around. And I am doing things that my elderly parents had to do. My self esteem is going down hill fast.

Linny went out with her friend this afternoon. I took that opportunity to do some shopping. I went to Family Dollar in hope of finding cheap fly spray. I do not know where the flies are coming in from, but I am not living like that. Next I went to the hardware store to buy a new toilet flush handle. I will try to fix it tomorrow.

 I went to Frisch’s to eat. I debated between fish and a cup of clam chowder or the salad bar. Money prevailed and I had the salad bar. I didn’t eat too much salad because of having diverticulosis, but I had three bowls of clam chowder. It was very good.

Next I went to Kroger. We needed some things at home and I needed to fix supper for Linny and Mom. Going to Kroger was a disheartening mistake. I got really short of breath and winded while walking up and down the isles. I never could find orange juice and gave up. Thankfully I made it back to the car and headed home.

However this really upset me. I was due to go back to work on March 14^th, but that is only a week away and I cannot even navigate around the grocery without feeling the need to sit down.  I will call the doctor on Monday and ask if I can be moved up to March 17^th. That will give me another weekend.

Linny’s friend was parked in the driveway, so I went around the block and by then she had left. I am so glad that Linny has some good friends. She has been locked up in a world of illness for too long. Linny is so intelligent and the program she is taking has given her tools to use her gift wisely. I am so proud of her. I am also so sad, because she is faced with me being ill and not dealing with it very well.

When I got home, I immediately went to bed and slept for two hours. I woke up at 8:30 pm. The groceries were where I left them, there were still more in the car and the dishes did not move into the dishwasher on their own.

I took care of that, but first noticed a letter from the Short Term Disability Company. It stated they had not received my forms. I had sent them in at the end of February and both doctors told me they had signed and faxed the form.

Thankfully, the center was open until 9 pm. I learned that I had been approved until March 17 and I could go back to work as late as the 18^th.  That is one less crisis to worry about this weekend.

I have prepared supper. I ate only a few bites as I am not hungry. I had ice cream for desert and decided to put my thoughts to paper before heading to bed.

I still have to make Mom’s bed and give her some dessert and coffee and then I am off to bed. I hope I feel better soon.

Six Days - Feeling a Little Better - Still Off Work

It is ten minutes past two o’clock. I’m itching like the devil.  Linny put my psoriasis medicine on my before I went to bed. I slept for about an hour and now I am itching like mad.  I’ve taken two Benadryl tablets and hope it stops.  I have to be up around eight this morning to go to the doctor.

I was at the cardiologist office today. It cost $59 which was $30 for the visit and $29 to fill out forms. I realize they don’t work for free, but right now I don’t work at all and money is tight.  I am so thankful that friends are helping.  I have no idea when I can go back to work. I have no clue as to what the cardiologist said on the forms he returned.  Where is the communication?  I don’t see him again until the end of the month.

Frankly, I am too weak to return to eight hours a day.  My appointment was a ten, so I woke up at 8 am and made a bowl of Rice Krispies for myself and had a glass of orange juice. Then showered, shaved and put on clothes.  Linny was too tired to go with me. She has been working very hard and I understand. It is just that when I get home she wants to know why I didn’t say this or ask that and I wonder why she didn’t just go with me.

Walking is getting more difficult. I don’t know if I am just weaker or scared.  Tonight Linny went to visit her mother and I had to drive over to pick her up.  The driveway for her mom’s condo was still all iced over. I started to walk after parking the car. I got about 10 feet and thought, I have fallen down too many times, screw this!  I parked the car on the street. But it was still iced over in some places.

I feel old since I have to use the chair lift to go up and down the basement stairs.  My hands feel funny. I am dehydrated and it shows in my shriveled up fingers. Touch feels odd.  Eating; everything tastes funny. I cannot imagine it is due to the medicine I take, since I am now taking less than I was before.  We stopped at Skyline Chili on the way home to eat supper. I’m not supposed to have gluten, but the gluten-free spaghetti tasted so bad, that I ate regular Skyline; a three-way and a Coney and neither tasted good or like it used to. I didn’t eat the bun. I only ate about ¾ of my 3-way.  The Pepsi cola tasted odd, so I asked for a glass of water.

God is taking care of me and my family. This is something I firmly believe.  Father Chris thinks I’m stoic. I’m not stoic, I am convinced. And I am tired and itchy and wondering what will happen and when I’ll get back to work.